Divorce is a legal process, yes, but it’s also financial, practical, and personal. The smartest moves you can make in divorce are those you make before you file that petition with the court. They prepare your life so that conflict is minimized and so that money isn’t wasted in needless fights.
Here are the most effective pre-filing, pre-litigation steps you can take to set yourself up for a smoother, less expensive divorce.
1. Get Your Finances in Order
Gather and organize your financial records before divorce begins. Collect tax returns, bank statements, pay stubs, credit card bills, loan documents, retirement account statements, household bills, and receipts for your monthly living expenses. Keep them in one place, clearly labeled.
Why it matters: Most divorce conflict and cost come from uncertainty and discovery fights, especially (though not exclusively) over incomes, assets, and debts and obligations. If you have this information at hand, you save thousands in attorney review and preparation time and cut off suspicion before it starts.
2. Set Aside Money
Divorce and separation doubles most household costs. You’ll face deposits, rent or mortgage payments, lawyer fees, and living expenses. A financial cushion reduces desperation-driven decisions and keeps you from being cornered.
That cushion should include money specifically earmarked for attorney’s fees and possible litigation costs. Without it, you risk being outmaneuvered simply because you can’t afford to litigate.
3. Maximize Your Own Earning Power
If you’re seeking alimony, courts expect you to make reasonable efforts to support yourself. Get a job or boost your income to the highest realistic level. Why? Because it proves you’re not just sitting back and exploiting your spouse. Judges notice when someone is doing everything he/she reasonably can to provide for himself/herself. It shows responsibility, credibility, and good faith, and that makes your alimony argument stronger, not weaker. If you’re not seeking alimony, the same advice still holds: more self-sufficiency equals more leverage.
4. Weigh Litigation Costs Against the Likely Gains
Many people spend more on legal fees than they’ll ever win in alimony or property division. Run the math early. Ask: “How much can I spend before I lose more than I stand to gain?” Sometimes compromise saves more in the long run.
5. Learn the Divorce Process Before You Enter Into It
Educated spouses fight less. Educated divorce litigants are more successful in the divorce process. Read credible resources about divorce in your jurisdiction. Understand how custody, support, and property division actually work. Unrealistic expectations are a recipe for conflict, wasted money, and discouragement.
6. Don’t Move Out Unless You Must
Leaving the marital home can hurt your custody case, increase costs, and create the appearance of abandonment. Unless your safety (or your children’s safety) is at risk, stay put. If you have to leave, document why.
7. Live Close to Your Co-Parent if You Want Joint Custody
Judges are reluctant to award joint custody if parents live far apart. If 50/50 custody is your goal, find housing within easy reach (ideally walking distance) of your children. It makes life easier for your kids and strengthens your custody argument.
8. Clean Up Your Personal Life and Finances
Divorce shines a spotlight on every corner of your life. Judges don’t just look at income and expenses, they look at character, credibility, and judgment. If you have financial messes, bad habits, or skeletons in the closet, now is the time to deal with them.
Pay off debts where possible. Get your taxes current. Avoid suspicious financial moves (like suddenly transferring money to family). Just as important, clean up personal vices that can make you look unreliable or unsympathetic in court. Heavy drinking, recreational drug use, gambling, reckless spending, or sketchy relationships can all be dragged into the light.
Even if they don’t directly affect your case, they can undermine your credibility and sway the court’s perception of your fitness as a spouse or parent. A judge who sees you as responsible, sober, and disciplined is far more likely to take your claims for alimony or custody seriously.
9. Get Clean and Stay Sober
If alcohol or drug abuse or addiction are part of your life, now is the time to stop. Judges take sobriety seriously. No amount of excuses will outweigh the court’s concern for your children’s safety and stability.
10. Control Your Communication
Keep texts, emails, and conversations short, neutral, and necessary. Keep a record of written communications. Every hostile message risks being “Exhibit A” in court and drives up conflict and fees.
11. Establish Stability for Your Kids
Keep routines consistent: school, activities, mealtimes, bedtimes, doctors. Courts value the parent who minimizes disruption. Stability for the children means fewer accusations and less litigation fuel.
12. Build a Support System Outside the Divorce
Don’t lean on your kids for emotional support. Vent to trusted friends, family, clergy, or a counselor. This helps keep you grounded and keep calm. And calm people fight less, settle more, and make fewer rash decisions.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277