Will offering your spouse more money guarantee a quick Utah divorce settlement? Sometimes. But it often backfires. Here’s how Utah divorce law treats lopsided settlements, when “buying peace” makes sense, and when it just buys regret.
After months of arguing, you just want it to be over. You think, “If I just give him/her an extra $20,000, maybe we can both move on.” You’re not alone. Many people believe a financial concession is the price of peace—what it takes to end the fight.
And it may (emphasis on “may”) be. But probably not in the way you imagine.
If you offer far more than you need to, or more than you can afford, a judge will generally assume you know what you’re signing and will not rescue you from your own choices.
The Psychology of Generosity: Why You Might Be Offering More
It’s tempting to think that money can end all fights, but the desire to overpay often comes from a deeper, emotional place.
- Buying Peace: You may be seeking an escape from the emotional pain and conflict of the divorce process.
- Guilt: You might feel guilty about the divorce, a past affair, or the impact the split will have on your children. Offering more money can feel like an attempt to make up for these things.
- The Hope for Goodwill: You may believe that being generous to your spouse will cause your spouse to be more generous with you when it comes to settling other issues in the case, that it will lead to better co-parenting and fewer future disputes.
This is all understandable, but not necessarily wise.
Why More Money Is not Always the Shortcut You Think It Is
Agreeing to pay what your spouse demands feels like a tangible way to close this difficult chapter and simply move on, and that tends to create a false and overly optimistic sense of your ability to pay.
Moreover, in these cases, the dispute is rarely just about money. Sometimes a spouse is motivated by a desire for control, revenge, or a need for validation. In those situations, no amount of extra money will satisfy the true motive.
When Offering More Can Work
There are situations where giving a little extra is a smart, strategic move. Keep in mind, however, that these scenarios are often the exception, not the rule.
- Close to an Agreement: If you and your spouse have worked out everything else, and a few thousand dollars bridges the final gap, it may be worth it if that extra payout now saves on greater legal fees down the road.
- Avoiding Litigation Costs: A trial can be very expensive. If you estimate conservatively that going to trial will cost you at least $15,000 in attorney’s fees, but you can settle by offering your spouse $10,000 more than you’d otherwise want to offer, simple economics clearly favors settlement.
- When Money Truly Motivates Your Spouse: Some people are single-minded about financial gain. If your spouse is one of them, buying peace might actually work.
Some people struggle painfully with “buying peace.” It’s infuriating when a spouse can hijack a settlement over greed. It feels like extortion. It might very well be extortion. But the legal system and the people who administer it are not perfect. They can make mistakes. They can be biased. What does this all mean to you from a settlement standpoint?: don’t compromise your core values, but standing on principle is not always worth the cost, and some principles can accommodate compromise without compromising your good character.
When Overpaying Backfires
This is where people get burned and live to regret their decision.
- The Signal of Desperation: If you suddenly offer an extra $20,000 “just to settle,” your spouse may think, “If he/she can give me that much without blinking, I’ll hold out for more.” You might actually prolong the case instead of shortening it. You may cause the case to get more expensive.
- Buyer’s Remorse: Once you overpay, you live with the consequences. And don’t count on undoing it later. Courts don’t rescue spouses from bargains they willingly made but later come to regret.
Smarter Settlement Strategies
Instead of defaulting to “I’ll just give him/her more money,” try these more reasoned and effective approaches:
- Know Your Baseline. Work with your attorney to calculate what a likely outcome at trial would be. This gives you a rational benchmark for all negotiations.
- Use Mediation and Settlement Negotiations Wisely. Utah law requires most parties to attempt mediation. Go in to mediation or any settlement discussion prepared and with a clear objective, not desperation.
- Offer Non-Monetary Concessions. Sometimes, giving up a sentimental item, like a piece of art or a car, can be a more effective way to close a deal than offering more money. The value of these items is often in the eye of the beholder, allowing you to concede something that holds more emotional weight than financial value.
- Frame Offers as Fair, Not Panicked. Your spouse is more likely to accept an offer that looks reasoned and even-handed, not one that screams, “Please take this so I can get this over with!”
- Think Long-Term. A short-term victory isn’t worth years of financial strain. Remember, alimony and child support obligations can last a long time, and a rash decision now will dog you for years to come.
Offering more than required can make good sense if it avoids higher litigation costs or closes a small gap. But in many cases, it only encourages more demands or leaves you regretting the deal later.
Offering more than required or more than you can actually pay creates more problems than it seemingly solves.
The goal of a divorce settlement isn’t just to end the case. The goal is to end the case fairly and sustainably. Buying peace at any price isn’t peace—it’s just an additional kind of loss.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277