Divorce is rarely an easy process. Even in fairly amicable situations, emotions can run high and the temptation to engage in dirty tricks can be strong. However, it is possible—and indeed advisable—to approach your divorce with dignity.
Equitable Distribution: Fairness is Paramount
Utah law requires the equitable distribution of the marital estate. “Equitable” does not necessarily mean “equal,” but rather what the court determines to be fair under the circumstances. This process can be emotionally charged, particularly when assets like the family home, retirement accounts, and sentimental items are involved.
Avoid letting resentment or a desire for revenge adversely affect your judgment. Instead, try to approach your divorce as you would if you were untangling a business partnership. Gather all relevant financial documents, ensure accurate valuations of marital assets, consider what is truly important for your future security and well-being, and focus on proposals that are objectively balanced and fair.
Prepare to negotiate calmly and rationally. If you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement on how to divide property, then the court will step in and impose its decision on you both. Demonstrating a cooperative attitude and providing complete, accurate information will strengthen your credibility and help ensure that you are treated fairly in the division process.
Parent Time: Prioritizing Your Children’s Best Interests
In Utah, parent time is determined according to what is in the best interests of the child, and Utah law presumes that it is generally best for children to have frequent and continuing contact with both parents.
A dignified divorce does not require that you or your spouse sacrifice yourselves on the altar of “best interest of the children,” but it does require that you put your children’s needs ahead of your self-interest and of any personal animosity you might feel toward your spouse. Speak respectfully about the other parent in front of your children and avoid using your children as messengers or pawns in your disputes.
When working out custody and parent-time schedules, be flexible and consider all of the circumstances affecting your children’s lives (both now and in the future), such as their schooling, athletic, club, and religious activities, and friendships. Utah courts favor arrangements that foster stability and allow children to maintain strong, loving, and healthy relationships with both parents.
Adopt a Business-like Attitude
Divorce is an inevitable part of divorce but surrendering your composure and judgment to them can be devastating. Approach the divorce process with a bit of detachment, more business-like attitude, and you will find yourself faring better than letting your emotions run rampant
Carefully consider your objectives. Be willing to compromise where appropriate and sensible. Keep your communication with your spouse factual and courteous, so that neither of you get distracted by personal beefs. Document important exchanges in writing. This approach reduces conflict by ensuring a relevant record exists..
Remember that professionals—attorneys, financial advisors, and mediators—can provide guidance and objectivity. Utilize their both their expertise and professional detachment to help you make sound choices.
Do Not Sink to an Unscrupulous Spouse’s Level
If your spouse chooses to engage in vindictive, manipulative, and/or fraudulent behavior, do not respond in kind. Utah courts take a dim view of parties who try to gain advantage by acting in bad faith.
Stay focused on your goals: a fair resolution and, if you have children, the well-being of the minor children. Document any serious misconduct by your spouse, but do not retaliate (it could be illegal, and even if it’s not, the risk of retaliation backfiring is high). Let your attorney and the court handle such matters and rely on your support network of friends, family members, and religious leaders to help you manage the emotional toll divorce may take on you.
Conclusion: Protect Yourself and Your Future
Divorcing with dignity does not mean giving up your rights or settling for less than you deserve. It does not mean being a martyr. It means advocating for yourself in a composed, professional manner. For your own sake. Remember that the law is designed to support equitable outcomes and the best interests of children. Behaving in a dignified manner is a major key to success in the divorce process. .
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
