You’re asking the wrong question first.
Your first question should not be, “How long should I wait before I file for a divorce?,” but “*Should* I even file for a divorce?”
Too many people treat the question of divorce like the choice between “paper or plastic” bags at the grocery store. Marriage can be hard, but divorce can be worse, especially when divorce is not the solution to the underlying problem. Divorce is a serious matter that has lifelong (and usually mostly negative) emotional, psychological, and financial repercussions for both you, your spouse, and your children.
Has your husband done this before (*i.e.*, leave you and the children)? If he hasn’t, filing divorce may be an overreaction at this point. If has done this before, does it appear that it’s never going to get any better Or that it’s only getting worse or going to get worse? That he’s going to keep leaving (or this time not come back)?
Do you know why he left? If he does this often, do you know why he does it? Can he be helped? Should he be helped? Is it all his fault? Is he mentally ill? Addicted to drugs or alcohol? Is he under a tremendous amount of pressure from work? Or from the family? Or from both? Does he have redeeming qualities? Are you driving him away? Is divorce really the right thing to do under the circumstances?
If you’ve answered all the foregoing questions first, and thereafter you have determined that you need to divorce, then the question of “How long should I wait before I file for a divorce?,” then the answer is usually found in asking a new question: “Am I prepared to file for divorce?” If you are prepared, then file. Waiting usually does you no good and can leave you at a disadvantage. If you aren’t prepared, you need to find out if you have time to prepare before you file or if you don’t have the luxury of preparing and just need to take the plunge. Please talk to a good (a good) divorce lawyer to find out what your options are and what the timing can and should be. Most people would benefit from having good (note I stated “good,” not just any) lawyers represent them in their divorce cases, if they can afford a lawyer’s services.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
