In child custody disputes, the judge acts as the final arbiter, but they rarely get to see the daily reality of a child’s life. This is where appointing an attorney who ostensibly represents the best interest of the children (known as a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) or Private Guardian ad Litem (PGAL)) is contemplated.
A GAL is typically appointed when there are specific concerns regarding a child’s safety (allegations of abuse). A PGAL can be appointed when parents cannot agree on a parenting plan or, if there are concerns over the children’s overall welfare. A P/GAL’s
intended job is to conduct an independent investigation, which includes interviewing the children, parents, teachers, and doctors, in order to provide the court with a formal, impartial recommendation. That isn’t always what you and the court get, but it’s the intent.
While it’s natural to feel like you’re finally getting a chance to tell your side of the story, it is vital to remember that the GAL is neither your advocate nor your therapist—he or she is tasked with determining the best interests of your child. In this high-stakes
environment, your tone is just as important as your testimony. To help you navigate this process without falling into common traps, we’ve compiled a survival guide on how to remain organized, clinical, and—most importantly—entirely focused on your child’s well- being.
The “Dos”
Focus on the Child: Every answer you give should come back to your child’s needs, routines, and well-being. If you’re asked about your ex, pivot the conversation back to how their behavior affects the child, rather than how it affects you.
Be Organized and Responsive: Treat the P/GAL like a boss you actually like. Return his/her calls immediately, provide requested documents (school records, medical bills) in neat folders, and show up on time. Efficiency suggests stability.
Fairly and Honestly Acknowledge the Other Parent’s Strengths: Total “scorched earth” tactics usually backfire. If you can admit, “He/she is a great coach for the soccer team, but he/she struggles with consistency at bedtime,” you come across as reasonable and credible, rather than as a bitter ex.
Treat Your Home Like an Open House: If the GAL does a home visit, it doesn’t need to be a palace, but it should be clean, safe, and clearly show that the child has a dedicated, hygienic, and secure space there.
The “Don’ts”
Don’t Badmouth Your Ex: This is the #1 mistake parents make. Constant mudslinging makes you look like the “high-conflict” and unstable parent. Simply answer questions, and answer questions simply. Speak clearly and plainly and factually. If your spouse lies frequently, then state that and only that (e.g., “He/she consistently lies” instead of “He/she is a pathological liar”).
Don’t Coach Your Child: Frankly, P/GALs vary wildly in their ability to spot a coached child—some see it where it doesn’t exist, and others miss it when it’s screaming in their face. Still, don’t gamble on their incompetence. If your child starts sounding like a tiny lawyer or reciting “reasons why Dad is bad,” you will
likely be labeled as the alienating parent. It is wrong, it is transparent, and it will sink your case faster than almost anything else.
Don’t Treat Them as Your Therapist: The P/GAL is not there to support you or validate your feelings about the divorce. Anything you say—even things said in confidence or out of frustration—can and likely will end up in the P/GAL’s report to the judge.
Don’t Lie (Even About Small Things): P/GALs have access to your records. If you lie about a minor detail and they catch it, your credibility on the “big stuff” (like safety concerns) is effectively destroyed.
Pro-Tip: Imagine there is a microphone on the table that broadcasts directly to the Judge’s bench. Before you speak, ask yourself: “Does this make me sound like a stable, child-focused parent?” When you are interviewed by a P/GAL, he or she is looking for stability vs. volatility. If you sound angry, the P/GAL sees a “high conflict parent.” If you sound solutions-oriented, the P/GAL sees a “fit parent.”
Mastering the GAL interview using objective, neutral, and fact-based terms rather than emotional or accusatory ones. You move away from how you feel to focusing on what can be observed. By removing the “heat” from your descriptions, you demonstrate to the P/GAL that you can prioritize your child’s developmental needs over your own personal grievances. Here is how to reframe common traps into productive, neutral responses.
Think of it as ‘professionalizing’ your parenthood. When you use more clinical, child-centric language, you avoid high-conflict traps by providing responses that actually protect and advance your worthwhile interests.
How you say it matters as much as what you say. The goal is to move away from the “blame game”. This isn’t just about being polite; it’s about proving you have the emotional regulation necessary to co-parent. Use the following examples to help you translate your frustrations into the kind of language that GALs respect. They are neutral ways to phrase responses to common tough questions:
“Why isn’t the current schedule working?”
The Trap: “He’s always late, he never has her homework done, and it’s a total mess at his house.”
The Neutral Response: “He’s late for the transition times, which is disruptive for the children. For example, switching late on a school morning makes it difficult for them to settle into the classroom. I’m concerned that the lack of consistency in their evening routine across both homes is affecting their sleep and school performance.”
“How is your communication with the other parent?”
The Trap: “It’s terrible. She ignores my texts and then screams at me during exchanges.”
The Neutral Response: “Communication is currently a significant problem. I keep the focus on the kids and try to ensure we both have access to the same information without the emotional friction. I brought you some representative samples. She just wants to argue and complain. I struggle to coordinate logistical details via text or phone or email with her.”
“What are your concerns about the other parent?”
The Trap: “He’s a narcissist who only cares about himself and his new girlfriend.”
The Neutral Response: “My primary concern is his difficulty in prioritizing [Child]’s established routine over his own social schedule. [Child] often calls or text messages me that Dad is at the gym, out with his girlfriend, playing softball with his friends. He doesn’t ensure homework is done. I’d like to see a plan that
ensures more structure during our son’s time there.”
“Why should you have primary physical custody?”
The Trap: “Because I’m the better parent and they’ve always been with me.”
The Neutral Response: “My goal is to ensure this continuity that is vital for our kids’ stability, especially now. If I really believed my spouse could do that too, I’d tell you. He/she either can’t or won’t. I want to foster a healthy, consistent relationship with [Other Parent]” too, and the best way to do that is by having the kids with me the majority of the time during the week.”
“What if the court orders a 50/50 split against your wishes?” (by the way, no competent P/GAL should ever ask such a terrible, irrelevant question, but some P/GALs can and do; so be prepared)
The Trap: “I’ll fight it. It’s a terrible idea and I won’t let it happen.”
The Neutral Response: “I respect the legal process. If the court makes a ruling that I believe is not in [Child]’s best interest, I will follow its order while working through the proper legal channels to address my concerns. My goal is to ensure that [Child] never feels caught in the middle of a legal dispute, regardless of how
I feel about the outcome.”
Conclusion: Protecting Your Credibility
The P/GAL process isn’t about “winning” or using clever tactics to outsmart the other parent. It is about credibility. In a high-conflict custody case, the court is looking for the adult in the room. If you show up angry, disorganized, or focused on past grievances, you are making the P/GAL’s job easy: simply labeling you as part of the problem.
Mastering your dealings with the P/GAL isn’t about hiding or spinning the truth; it’s about presenting the facts of your child’s life without the emotional interference that clouds a judge’s judgment. By staying clinical, child-centric, and strictly factual, you aren’t just “looking” stable—you are proving that you can place your child’s needs above the wreckage of your relationship with your ex.
The interview is a high-stakes moment of accountability. Treat it with the seriousness it deserves.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277