When people think of divorce, they tend to picture lawyers, judges, and endless e-mails and paperwork. But that’s just the legal side of the divorce ordeal. The emotional strain, the high stakes, the worry, the frequent need for decisions, and the personal upheaval occupy most divorce litigants’ attention. How well one deals with all that determines not only how well someone comes through divorce mentally and emotionally, but how well he or she fares in divorce court too.
That’s where your personal support network comes in. These are the people who help you stay steady, think clearly, and keep perspective when everything else feels unstable. They don’t replace your attorney; they complement what your attorney does. They help you process emotions, stay organized, and stay focused on what matters so you can make sound decisions in your case and in your life.
Dealing with Your Emotions Is Normal and Necessary
Even the best attorney can’t do much good if the client is emotionally flooded or too reactive to take advice. Many people walk into legal meetings exhausted, angry, scared, and/or confused. That’s understandable, but it’s no way to work successfully. A good support network—friends, family, mentors, pastors, parishioners, perhaps a therapist—helps you steady yourself so you can engage intelligently with your lawyer and with the legal process.
These are the people you talk to when you need to vent or need help processing the frustration and anguish. The people who, being close to you yet outside the divorce case itself can help you take stock and make sense of what’s happening. They help you work through what your lawyer does not. Yet that helps you become the kind of client who gets better results: calmer, more clearheaded, less distracted, better able to focus on the case. When you show up that way, you can handle hearings, mediation, and negotiation from a position of strength, and thus your lawyer can do his job far more effectively.
Divorce Has a Way of Shrinking Your Focus
But you can’t build a good future if all you can see is the wreckage of the past and the seemingly insurmountable obstacles right in front of you. A truly caring support network helps you keep things in their proper perspective and to think about the long-term:
- How do divorce with your good character still intact?
- How do you want your children to remember you and this time in their lives?
- What kind of life do you need to start building for after the dust settles?
Shifting from reaction to reflection really does change for the better how you feel and how you approach your case. It’s what separates people who merely survive divorce from those who come out as fully prepared for life post-decree as they can be.
Too Proud or Too Private? Don’t Be.
You’ll handle your divorce better if you don’t try to do it alone. Now is the time to turn to the people you trust, people who want what’s best for you, who tell you the truth, who help you stay grounded, and who keep you focused on the big picture.
Don’t let pride or embarrassment or shyness keep you from reaching out. Divorce is not the time to pretend you’re fine when you’re running on fumes. Everyone going through it feels the strain, the worry, and the second-guessing. We need each other’s help. You wouldn’t hesitate to help a friend in need, so don’t be too proud to ask for help now that you need it. Getting the kind of support that only friends, family (or if needed, a counselor) can provide isn’t weakness. It keeps you clearheaded, steady, and better able to make the decisions that will shape your future. Simply (but no less correctly) put: you’ll handle it better if you don’t try to go it alone.
God Is Real, and He Wants to Help You More Than Anyone Else at a Time Like This
If you don’t believe in God, you can skip this part of the post, but even you need to know that you are one of our Heavenly Father’s children. Friends and family are gifts from God, and they are just some of the ways He blesses you in good times and in the bad. But He knows you better than even your closest friends and family. He can fill the needs no one else can. Divorce humbles most, and it’s the humble God can reach and help best. Pray. Tell God about the pain and worry and bitterness you’re experiencing and ask for comfort. Acknowledge your failings and shortcomings. He will encourage you and guide you, if you let Him. You know people who know God. Find them. Spend time with them in church and bask in the peace and the love they have found.
Working Together for Better Outcomes
When everyone in your corner—the attorney and your personal support network—pulls in the same direction, the process can’t help but unfold better. Not perfectly, but with fewer self-inflicted wounds and with more resilience and resourcefulness. The emotional steadiness you gain outside the courtroom translates into better decisions inside it. You reduce errors, save time and money, reduce conflict, and preserve your dignity.
The legal, emotional, and practical sides of divorce are intertwined whether you like it or not. You can’t ignore one without it dragging down the others. A balanced, well-informed support system helps keep all three in their proper balance.
Divorce Upends Nearly Everything, But It Need Not Break You
The goal is to regain your footing—to approach the process with as much clarity, confidence, and control as you reasonably and sensibly can exercise. Your personal support network plays a critical role in that. They help you think straight when emotions run high, remember who you are when things get ugly, and remind you that this chapter, however painful, is not the whole story (this too shall pass).
Combine that with a good lawyer (one who is honest, knows the law, and isn’t afraid to be frank with you), and you’ll get through this with more clarity, peace of conscience, stability, and genuine hope for the future you desire.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277