One’s divorce case rarely falls apart just because it is legally or factually weak. More often, it’s the divorcing parties themselves who complicate their cases through avoidable mistakes.
Courts in Utah (and everywhere else) are designed to sort through evidence, apply statutes, and render decisions (some do a better job of this than others). But when clients sabotage their own credibility, cooperation, or strategy, even the strongest legal arguments can lose ground.
This is not about blaming people for being human; divorce is overwhelming, stressful, and confusing. This is about getting down to brass tacks: if you are going through a divorce, or considering one, you need to know the behaviors that consistently derail cases. Avoiding them won’t guarantee that you prevail in every instance, but it will strengthen your case and give you a far better shot at a fair outcome.
Giving Up Too Soon
One of the most tragic mistakes is quitting just as you are about to prevail. Divorce is exhausting, emotionally and financially. Some people give up—not because their position was weak, but because they were simply worn out.
I’ve seen clients surrender child custody, property, and alimony claims they could have won, simply because they couldn’t bear another round of briefing and hearings. If you have the evidence and the statutory factors on your side, that does not matter if you quit.
The corrective is balance: pick your battles. Don’t fold when the big issues are at stake. Sometimes persistence is your strongest weapon.
Innocent Words and Deeds Will Be Twisted
A harsh reality of divorce litigation is that your spouse and their attorney will take your words and actions, even innocent ones, and spin them into something sinister. A sarcastic or stern text becomes “emotional abuse.” A forgotten receipt becomes “financial dishonesty.” A frustrated sigh at an exchange gets characterized as “instability.”
This is not paranoia. It’s a common litigation strategy (evil strategy, but it runs rampant). Some opposing counsel see their roles as painting you in the worst possible light. Utah appellate courts have repeatedly noted that credibility and perception weigh heavily in family law.
The corrective: pause before you speak, text, post, or act. Ask yourself: “If this were displayed on a courtroom screen, how would it look?” and “Can this innocent word or deed of mine be misconstrued as something bad?” You don’t need to live in fear, but you must live with heightened awareness. Self-monitoring may feel unnatural, but it’s essential to protect yourself from distortion. And it’s a lot cheaper than paying a lawyer to explain and defend it.
Not Cooperating With Your Attorney
Some clients make their own lawyers’ jobs impossible by missing deadlines, throwing together sloppy financial disclosures, or appearing in hearings unprepared. Failure to comply with court rules and orders can result in sanctions or the court simply accepting the other side’s version of the facts.
The corrective: court rules, deadlines, and orders are non-negotiable. If your attorney asks for documents to meet a deadline, get them in on time and in full. If you need to file a declaration or respond to a motion, don’t dash it off the night before. The smoother you cooperate, the stronger your case will be.
Disengaging After Hiring a Lawyer
Hiring a divorce attorney does not mean you can wash your hands of the case. Too many clients assume, “That’s why I’m paying you,” and then disengage. They stop paying attention to what their spouses and children are doing and saying, stop updating their lawyers about important developments, don’t review drafts carefully, and fail to contribute meaningfully to work and planning on their cases.
This is dangerous. You know the facts of your life better than your lawyer ever will. If you don’t stay engaged, key information can slip through the cracks. A client who appears checked out risks looking irresponsible or untrustworthy.
The corrective: stay involved. Stay aware. Treat the case as a joint project between you and your legal team. Update your attorney on any changes including but not limited to: employment, health, housing, and parenting circumstances. Your input is not optional; it’s indispensable.
Ignoring Attorney Advice
Another recurring mistake is hiring an attorney, then ignoring his/her advice. This doesn’t mean blind obedience. You should always ask questions, voice concerns, and know your options (if any). But once you’ve chosen counsel, disregarding your lawyer’s direction undermines your own position.
For example: if your lawyer tells you not to contact your spouse outside of court-approved channels, and you keep sending angry texts, you’re digging your own grave. A parent who repeatedly disregards advice that would avoid conflict looks less credible when claiming to be the “reasonable” one.
The corrective: if you disagree with your lawyer’s advice, talk it through. But if you ultimately choose to keep the lawyer, follow his/her direction fully, timely, and in good faith. Half-measures don’t work. If you find yourself consistently butting heads with your attorney, one of you is likely on the wrong track. Figure out who, fast. Then take corrective action, fast.
Letting Emotions Drive Decisions
Divorce is emotional. But when clients let anger, fear, or spite dictate strategy, cases crater. Examples: refusing a reasonable custody schedule just to “punish” the other parent, demanding every penny in property division out of vengeance, refusing to acknowledge strengths in the opposing party’s case (and weaknesses in yours).
The corrective: let your emotions out in safe spaces like therapy, exercise, or close friendships. But when it comes to legal decisions, anchor yourself in long-term goals and reasoned/reasonable strategy in support of reaching those goals.
Social Media Missteps
Social media are often a rich source of ammunition in divorce cases. Photos of vacations become “evidence” you’re hiding money. A meme you “liked” becomes “proof of” poor judgment. Posts trashing your spouse become evidence of child alienation.
Even if a post is innocent, in court it can look terrible.
The corrective: the safest rule is to stay off social media until the case is done. At the very least, pause and think before posting anything, even something that seems trivial.
Oversharing and Loose Talk
Divorce tempts people to vent. Some tell friends, coworkers, or even their kids everything that’s happening. This almost always backfires. A friend gets subpoenaed. A coworker repeats something in the wrong place. A child tells the other parent what you said.
The corrective: discretion. Talk to your lawyer. Talk to a therapist. Do not talk to your children or your wider social circle about the case (talk to you kids about how they feel, sure, but don’t discuss the details of the court case with them). Protect your credibility and your relationship with your children.
Hiding or Failing to Disclose Information
Whether intentional or not, hiding assets or failing to provide documents is catastrophic. Courts assume concealment equals dishonesty. Under Utah Rule of Civil Procedure 37, the penalty for failing to disclose can include fines, attorney fees, or even default judgment on that issue.
The corrective: radical transparency with your attorney. Even if you fear something looks bad, your lawyer can manage it if he/she knows. Surprises in court are far worse.
Financial Blind Spots
Many clients obsess over child custody issues but neglect the financial side of divorce. They fail to gather accurate records, ignore tax and cash flow implications, or don’t create realistic budgets. Then they get blindsided by alimony or property division orders they can’t sustain.
If you don’t have your financial documents and evidence in order, the court may rely on the opposing party’s versions.
The corrective: treat financial preparation as seriously as parenting arguments. Budgets, tax returns, pay stubs, account statements, these matter.
Involving Children in Conflict
Few mistakes anger judges more than using kids as pawns. Parents who badmouth the other parent, use kids as messengers, or drag them into the conflict destroy their own custody claims. Courts prioritize protecting children from harm.
The corrective: shield your kids from the litigation. Be the parent who protects them, not the one who drags them through the mud.
Mistaking “Common Sense” for Legal Sense
Finally, many divorcing people assume what seems “fair” to them is what the law will do. They’re often wrong.
For example, some parents assume custody automatically goes 50/50. In reality, the Utah Code provides specific factors the court must evaluate (domestic violence, stability, the child’s needs and desires, his/her bond with each parent, etc.) before ordering equal custody. “Common sense” guesses are not enough.
The corrective: learn how the law actually works. Build your case on what the law rewards. Trust your attorney to explain the statutory framework. Don’t rely on what friends, coworkers, or the internet say.
Conclusion
Divorce is already hard enough. Most of the mistakes that complicate cases (quitting too soon, careless words, ignoring advice, venting publicly, hiding information, weaponizing kids) are avoidable.
The blunt truth is this: you can’t control your spouse, his/her lawyer, or the judge. But you can control yourself. And if you stay engaged, disciplined, and transparent, you’ll give yourself the best chance at a fair outcome, protect your children, and avoid the self-inflicted wounds that make divorce harder than it needs to be.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277