Divorce or custody litigation often brings out the worst in people. Some spouses can’t resist the urge to play the victim or the hero in every story they tell, especially in front of the kids or on social media. If your spouse is publicly or privately disparaging you, you are not alone. And yes, there are some things you can do. But you need to understand the difference between actionable behavior and bad behavior the court simply won’t bother with.
What Utah Law Says About Parental Disparagement
Utah law doesn’t use the word “disparagement,” but it gets at the same concept. Under Utah Code § 81-9-204, courts consider each parent’s willingness to allow frequent and continuing contact between the child and the other parent, and the parent’s willingness to cooperate in co-parenting. Badmouthing the other parent to the child or in public undermines both.
Disparagement that damages the parent-child relationship can factor into custody and parent-time decisions. Courts are especially wary of behavior that alienates a child from a parent. Even subtle or indirect undermining (e.g., “I wish I could buy you that, but your dad won’t help”) can weigh against a parent in court.
Disparagement During a Pending Divorce or Custody Case
You can ask for a temporary order to stop disparagement while your case is pending. Utah Rule of Civil Procedure 109(2) imposes a standard temporary domestic relations injunction in divorce cases that bars a parent from disparaging the other parent to their children.
A judge may also issue orders restricting what can be said in front of or to the children, especially if it appears the child is being emotionally harmed or manipulated.
If the conduct amounts to emotional abuse of the child, you could seek a protective kind of order from the court, but keep in mind: courts don’t want to police petty grievances. They act when there is clear and substantial harm or risk.
What About Public Bad-Mouthing?
Public disparagement, like venting on social media, blogs, or in community forums, is harder to address legally. Unless it violates a specific court order, rises to defamation (i.e., knowingly false statements of fact that cause measurable harm), or affects the children, some courts hesitate to intervene for fear of violating one’s constitutional free speech rights.
However, if your ex’s online behavior shows a lack of co-parenting fitness or poor judgment, it might be relevant in a custody battle—especially if the children can see or hear about the comments.
What You Should Do: A Rational Response
1. Don’t Retaliate. Responding in kind may feel good for a moment but hurts your credibility with the court. Judges reward restraint.
2. Document It. Keep screenshots, audio recordings (legal in Utah with one-party consent), and detailed logs of who said what, when, and where. If your child repeats something damaging, note it calmly and factually, and don’t “pump” the child for more.
3. Evaluate the Harm. Was the comment a one-off or a campaign of character assassination? Is the child parroting falsehoods? Are relationships being damaged?
4. Raise It Formally, If Necessary. Bring serious or repeated instances to your attorney, and to the GAL or evaluator (if you have the misfortune of having a GAL or evaluator appointed in your case). If disparagement is happening during litigation, a motion for a protective or non-disparagement order may be warranted.
5. Consider Therapeutic Interventions. Courts can and do order reunification counseling or therapy when parental alienation or emotional manipulation is in play, but be careful what you wish for. Therapeutic interventions can quickly suffer from mission creep and mental health professionals are often weird.
What Courts Will and Won’t Do
A Utah judge may:
- Issue a non-disparagement order;
- Modify parent-time or custody if one parent is harming the child’s bond with the other;
- Order counseling or education for the offending parent;
- Appoint a GAL or custody evaluator to investigate.
But don’t expect:
- Damages for emotional harm (unless it’s extreme);
- Defamation rulings in family court;
- Courts to micromanage minor insults or normal frustration.
Final Thoughts: Be the Adult in the Room
Not every cruel or snide comment rises to the level of legal misconduct. The court system is not a moral referee. Your best move is to document what matters, ignore what doesn’t, and stay focused on protecting your child’s well-being and your own credibility. Judges notice when one parent stays child-focused while the other plays games.
Choose your battles. Make your moves count. And let your ex hang him/herself with his/her own rope if that’s the path he/she insists on taking.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277