It’s not uncommon during a divorce for one spouse to claim that the other is disparaging them—online, in conversations with mutual friends, or even in front of their children. We regularly hear from clients frustrated by personal attacks or lies being spread about them. But here’s the hard truth: not every unkind or critical comment qualifies as “disparagement” under the law.
Not All Negative Speech is Illegal
First, let’s be clear: your spouse does have a constitutional right to freedom of speech. That means they’re generally allowed to express their opinions, even negative ones—unless their behavior crosses specific legal lines.
In Utah divorce cases, some types of speech and behavior are explicitly prohibited—not under constitutional free speech protections, but under specific court rules. For example, Utah Rules of Civil Procedure (URCP) Rule 109 imposes automatic injunctions on both parties in a divorce or custody case. These injunctions are meant to preserve stability and minimize conflict, particularly for the sake of any children involved.
Let’s take a closer look at what URCP Rule 109 actually and specifically prohibits. 109(b) and 109(c) state, in their pertinent parts:
(b) General provisions.
(2) Neither party may, through electronic or other means, disturb the peace of, harass, or intimidate the other party.
(c) Provisions regarding a minor child. The following provisions apply when a minor child is a subject of the petition.
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(2) Neither party may do the following in the presence or hearing of the child:
(A) demean or disparage the other party;
(B) attempt to influence a child’s preference regarding custody or parent time; or
(C) say or do anything that would tend to diminish the love and affection of the child for the other party, or involve the child in the issues of the petition.
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(4) When the child is under the party’s care, the party has a duty to use best efforts to prevent third parties from doing what the parties are prohibited from doing under this order or the party must remove the child from those third parties.
So, What Counts as Disparagement?
Under URCP 109(b)(2), if one engaged in in disparaging communications to or about his or her spouse, that might rise to the level of disturbing the peace, harassment, or intimidation.
Under URCP 109(c)(2)(A), disparagement becomes a legal issue when committed in the presence or hearing of a minor child. For example, if your spouse is belittling or insulting you where your child can hear it—or posting content that your child may see—that could constitute a violation of the court’s injunctions. This kind of behavior could warrant a court response.
However, if your spouse is making negative comments to their own friends or posting vague complaints online without naming (or otherwise identifying) you or exposing your child to them, that probably does not rise to the level of a violation under Rule 109.
Free Speech Doesn’t Protect Illegal Conduct
While free speech is broad, it doesn’t protect speech that amounts to harassment, stalking, defamation, or other unlawful conduct. If your spouse is threatening you, repeatedly contacting you after being told to stop, or publicly spreading false statements that harm your reputation or livelihood, then you may have grounds to take further legal action—even if Rule 109 doesn’t specifically cover that conduct.
You could ask the court to issue temporary orders that restrict certain behaviors, including online or public speech, if you can demonstrate actual harm. Examples of such harm might include:
- Loss of business or income due to false public accusations.
- Emotional distress caused by targeted harassment.
- Alienation from your children or community based on malicious falsehoods.
What Should You Do?
If you believe your spouse’s statements are more than just unpleasant—they’re harmful and unlawful—document everything. Screenshots, text messages, emails, and witness statements may all help establish a pattern of damaging behavior.
Then, consult with your attorney. With proper evidence, your lawyer may file a motion for temporary orders or even request sanctions if your spouse is violating court rules or state law.
Final Thoughts
Divorce is emotionally taxing, and it’s natural to feel hurt by negative things your spouse may say about you. It’s also new one where for many people to be extra sensitive and thin-skinned in the middle of a divorce. Before jumping to legal conclusions, it’s essential to distinguish between protected speech and legally prohibited conduct. Rule 109 gives courts a framework for protecting parties—especially children—but it isn’t a blanket gag order.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277