If you’re divorced and you are, or your ex is, introducing a new boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse into your minor children’s lives, you should seriously consider running a background check on him/her. It’s not paranoia in this day and age, it’s responsible parenting. A background check does not absolve you of engaging in your own careful, personal analysis, but it should be a part of the “vetting process” for your new potential boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse.
Utah’s new laws (effective Sept. 1, 2025) make it easier than ever to justify doing so and harder than ever to claim ignorance if you don’t. And if your new partner has a criminal history you didn’t bother to check, it could cost you custody or parent-time rights.
“If I Were You, I’d Run a Background Check.”
That’s what a father told me recently, reflecting on the nightmare he lived through after discovering—too late—that his ex-wife had married a convicted child sex offender.
His ex’s new husband had a conviction that years earlier he had expunged from his record, meaning it was hidden from public view. Local church leaders knew about the conviction but, according to the father, went out of their way to keep it from him. Had this father known about the new husband’s conviction during the custody fight, he believes he could have won primary or even sole custody of his children.
He’s not alone. I’ve heard from more than a few parents who discovered after the fact that their ex’s new partner was dangerous in one way or another. Sometimes, the criminal record was buried. Sometimes, the record was available, but no one thought to check.
Is It Paranoia or Prudence?
As a divorce attorney, I get it: the idea of requiring background checks on every new romantic partner can feel invasive, even cynical. But we don’t live in a world where failing to investigate is wise. Maybe we never did.
Of course, not every person with a criminal record is a threat. Not every background check reveals something alarming or even meaningful. But when it does, it can be the difference between preventing abuse and reacting to it.
“Trust, But Verify.”
Ronald Reagan made that phrase famous during Cold War arms negotiations, but it applies just as well to post-divorce parenting. You can hope for the best of your ex, you can hope he/she has conducted the due diligence. But your kids’ safety demands more than hope.
Remember that a background check doesn’t mean you are accusing anyone of anything. It means you are taking reasonable steps to protect your child. And now, thanks to recent updates to Utah law, the consequences of not checking have become far more serious.
Utah Statutory Law Puts Teeth Behind the Risk
Utah’s family law statutes impose duties—and consequences—on parents who allow known offenders into their children’s lives:
- Custody and parent-time can be modified if a parent knowingly allows a convicted sex offender, child abuser, or similar offender access to their child. (Utah Code § 81-9-208)
- The law explicitly defines what kinds of convictions and registration statuses trigger these consequences—child abuse, sex offenses involving minors, human trafficking, and more.
- Disclosure is mandatory: if you know someone living with or around your child fits into those categories, you must notify the other parent immediately. (Utah Code § 202(18))
These provisions don’t require you to run a background check—but they make it awfully risky not to. If your new partner or potential partner has a qualifying conviction and you didn’t know about it, the court may see that as willful ignorance. And if you did know and failed to disclose it, you may have violated the law, exposing you not only to the loss of custody or parent-time but criminal prosecution and conviction as well.
So What Should You Do?
Run the background check. Don’t wait for a court to order it. Don’t wait until you suspect something is wrong. Run it now on your ex’s new partner or your own, if he/she/they will be around your kids. If the person(s) you want to submit to a background check won’t do so voluntarily, services exist that you can use on your that will flag sex offender registry hits, child abuse convictions, and more.
- Your ex should have no objections to a request for a background check of your ex’s new boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé/spouse. If your ex does object, that raises a red flag in its own right.
It’s not overstepping to check; it’s responsibly protecting. You can extend goodwill without surrendering your responsibility to ensure your children’s safety.
Talk to your attorney. If a background check reveals something serious—especially involving violence, sex crimes, or drugs—you may have grounds to seek a modification of custody or parent-time orders. But tread carefully: weaponizing criminal records without context can backfire. If you discover anything concerning, don’t jump straight into a confrontation or emergency motion. Get legal advice first. Acting without understanding and reflection can do more harm than good.
Be prepared to act. If your ex is knowingly exposing your child to a registered sex offender or someone with a disqualifying conviction, you may have grounds to modify custody or parent-time. But be thoughtful: courts will look for more than just a rap sheet; they need to see that the risk is real and ongoing.
- Protect yourself, too. If you are the one dating or cohabiting, make sure your new partner’s background is clean. You might trust him/her, but the court needs more than your word. Again: trust, but verify.
- Don’t count on others to speak up. Whether it’s church leaders, school officials, friends or neighbors, people often stay silent—sometimes to avoid conflict, sometimes out of misplaced loyalty or misguided “second chance” thinking. It’s on you to find out.
It’s a Shame, But It’s Reality
None of this should be necessary. In a perfect world, no parent would ever expose their children to a predator. No one with knowledge he or she could share would withhold it. No court would ignore red flags. But that’s not the world we live in.
In today’s world, background checks are an easily justifiable safeguard and is perhaps even a necessity. A background check can protect your children. It can protect your parental rights. And in some cases, it can prevent irreversible harm.
Do you or your ex really know who’s spending time with the children? If you don’t, find out. You have every reason to do so. Check. The discomfort of asking tough questions now is nothing compared to the grief of finding out too late.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
