Know this first: the best things to do are often easier said than done. That stated, they are not that hard to do, but many are not that appealing to implement.
1. Address the matter early. Don’t wait until the last minute. The sooner you start communicating about holiday plans and coordinating and cooperating with each other to ensure the children travel between the parents’ respective homes at the right times and to and from the right places, the better for parents and children alike.
a. Communicate in writing with your ex about your holiday parent-time efforts, so that your ex can’t claim, “Oh, he/she never communicated with me about [holiday], so I took that to mean he/she wasn’t going to exercise [holiday] this year, so I made other plans,” or “so that’s why I’m in Mexico with the kids right now, instead of Mom/Dad having them with him/her.”
b. This does not mean you cannot discuss the schedules and plans in person or over the phone or internet (if you can without the conversation devolving into a spat, then talk), it just means that without a written record you have no proof of your efforts to exercise your holiday time with the kids.
2. Know the holiday schedules as they are stated in your custody/visitation/parent-time order and/or statutes and how they apply each year. You’ll save yourselves a lot of time and hassle with a correct understanding of the schedule before you start discussing the flight times, pick up and drop off times and locations, etc.
a. Don’t be afraid to e-mail your ex with your understanding of how the schedule applies this year and don’t be afraid to admit you are unclear on a provision, if that’s the case.
b. Showing that you are trying to ensure that everyone is treated fairly, that there will be no snags, and that you want to ensure the kids aren’t made the focus of a nasty dispute is good evidence, if you reach a point where you have to submit a dispute to the court for resolution.
3. Don’t try to twist the words of the schedule for self-serving purposes. Don’t try to apply a double standard (rules for thee but not for me); it’s easy to see it when a parent tries to get away with it.
4. Don’t be a doormat. Don’t think, “Because I let you have it your way this year, ex, I get to have it my way next year.”
a. You can’t hold your ex to an “agreement” that was never expressly made between you. A court will not “enforce” such a thing that was never agreed to between you and your ex.
b. Unless you and your ex actually reach an express agreement and you have that agreement in writing, an ex who tramples all over your parent-time can often get away with it.
c. If you have an ex who tries to deprive you and the kids of holiday parent-time every time, stand up for yourself. Make it clear that you will defend and enforce your time with the kids if your ex tries to deprive you and the kids of it. File a motion with the court to hold your ex in contempt of court for interfering with your parent-time with the children and to enforce parent-time and for compensatory/make-up time that you and the children were wrongfully denied.
5. If you’ve had trouble with your ex in the past over misunderstandings over holiday time with the kids or if your ex outright sabotages your holiday time with the kids, and if you have the time to file a motion to enforce your and the children’s rights to their time with you such that the court can rule on your motion before the holiday times commence, do so, and do so immediately, so that time does not run out on you before it’s too late.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
