There are literally thousands of lists you can find online that do an excellent job of identifying the reasons accurately, clearly, and concisely. I recommend that you find them and review them. I will provide a list of my own at the end of this post, but before I do that, I want to distill the reasons why some might choose to stay in an unhappy marriage instead of getting a divorce.
Essentially, the main reason people who have legitimate reason(s) to divorce choose not to divorce is that the prospect of divorce appears worse than the status quo. And in some situations, that perception is true; some people find themselves worse off in the aggregate by divorcing instead of staying in an unhappy marriage. But most people who should divorce usually hesitate because they fear (understandably) that divorce will be an “out of the frying pan into the fire” situation.
Many people (too many) have an incorrect perception of marriage and its purposes. Even if their marriage has all the elements for being stable and of greater benefit to both spouses (and their children) than if they are single, they give up on marriage for all the wrong reasons (as many learn after it’s too late).
Here is my list of some more specific reasons why people who have a valid reason to divorce nevertheless choose not to divorce (in no particular order of popularity):
- Fear of being left financially destitute/fear of the children being left financially destitute
- Fear of being unable to re-build a life equal to or better than the quality of life in the marriage
- Fear of being alone (some prefer a miserable relationship to no relationship at all)/fear that no one will want them
- (If the couple has children) Fear of failing the innocent minor children (scarring them emotionally, psychologically, financially), fear of scarring theadultchildren emotionally and psychologically
- Fear of embarrassment/stigma/fear of rejection by family and friends
- A moral/religious obligation to stay married (“What God hath joined together let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6)
- Complacency, a sense of “this is as good as it gets”
- Fear of retaliation by a vindictive, vengeful spouse who does not want to divorce
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