The decisions to marry and to end a marriage are not decisions to be taken lightly.
If divorce is ever an easy choice, something is terribly wrong. Wrong with the marriage, or wrong with you.
If your marriage is placing you or your children in mortal danger or endangering your physical safety, you are under no obligation to stay in such a marriage. Indeed, you have an obligation to yourself and to your children to escape and end such a violent marriage.
If your spouse is emotionally and psychologically abusive to the point that you suffer great mental distress, you are under no obligation to stay in such a marriage.
If you’re simply unhappy in a marriage, should you divorce?
When the marriage has reached a point where it’s beyond repair, divorce relieves one of the burden that marriage has become.
While the process of divorce is itself difficult, especially when emotions are high, if done right, a divorce helps ensure that you receive legal protections and a fair opportunity to move on in your life.
Many people find themselves in a marriage that has hit a rough patch. Many people reach a point in their marriages where “the spark has gone out.” Divorce is not the answer in these situations, frankly. Those who are so absorbed in themselves that they contemplate divorce for purely selfish reasons usually regret it and regret it bitterly. Working through differences and seeking help from religious and mental health professional sources is the least a couple should do before resorting to divorce out of mere dissatisfaction.
Divorce is not what most people think it is.
Moreover, we’re surprised by how misinformed so many people are when they file for divorce. Many of them are shocked to learn that divorce will not be as easy as they thought. Many are surprised at what a court does and does not consider relevant in a divorce case. Many are surprised to find out how limited a court’s powers in divorce are. Many realize—too late—that they should never have filed for divorce.
Many women still believe that “if I get divorced, I’ll automatically get custody of our minor children and receive generous child support and alimony.” That’s never been a guarantee, and it’s certainly not more likely than not nowadays. Many men are surprised to learn that even if they earned all or most of the money and paid for all or most of the property during the marriage, marital property usually is divided equally between the divorcing spouses, and that includes retirement and pension benefits. These are just a few of the unpleasant surprises many receive when they encounter divorce, either as the one petitioning for it, or the one responding to it.
Making Informed Choices
Whether to divorce is a choice that should be made very carefully and after taking sufficient time to think deeply about it. While the legal and financial aspects of divorce are undeniably important, the intangible effects that divorce can have may be even more far reaching. It’s crucial to reflect on whether you’ve truly exhausted all avenues for reconciliation before taking a step as significant as divorce, especially if you have children.
If you’ve reached a point where you are convinced divorce is necessary, consult with a good divorce attorney (a good divorce attorney, not just any divorce attorney) to explain to you the process of divorce, what options you have, and what you can likely expect to happen to and for you and your family in divorce, both in the long- and short-terms.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277