Disappointment Is Not Synonymous with Misunderstanding
Divorce and custody cases are full of hard choices, unfamiliar rules, and outcomes no one loves. It’s normal to be disappointed when a judge rules against you or when a settlement doesn’t give you everything you wanted. But disappointment is not the same thing as confusion. Claiming you didn’t understand when the truth is that you just don’t like the result won’t help you or your lawyer.
I see this frequently: a litigant learns of the court’s order and then says, “I didn’t understand what was meant.” Usually what they mean is, “I didn’t think it would actually be enforced” or “I didn’t like it once it hit me.” That’s not confusion — that’s regret. And regret has no legal power.
When you tell your lawyer you “didn’t understand” but really mean you don’t like the outcome, you waste everyone’s time — including your own. Your lawyer will have to sort through what’s real confusion versus what’s regret. That extra work costs you money and may force your lawyer to argue positions the court won’t take seriously.
It’s far better to be candid: “I get it. I just hate it. What can I do?” That honesty lets your lawyer focus on real solutions — like filing a proper motion to modify, negotiating with the other side, or helping you comply in the least painful way.
Courts Expect You to Read and Comply
When a court issues an order, it’s presumed you can read it and understand it. The judge doesn’t have to rewrite the order in simpler terms or verify that you personally agree with every line. If you don’t understand a legal document, your obligation is to ask your lawyer for clarification. Once an order is entered, the legal system expects compliance. Your lack of understanding of a court’s order (real or feigned) does not excuse you from complying with it. It’s not optional and it’s not open to your subjective reinterpretation or revision because you’re disappointed.
Those whohope that if they later claim ignorance, the court will excuse their noncompliance. Courts do not reward this tactic. Judges may impose fines, attorney’s fees, or even contempt sanctions, and pretending you didn’t know can make the penalty worse because it shows bad faith.
If an order truly is unclear, you can ask the court for clarification or modification before you violate it. But if you simply ignored it or hoped it didn’t apply, you’re responsible. Utah judges regularly enforce orders through contempt proceedings, fines, or even jail time when someone fails to follow them. “I didn’t understand” rarely stops that.
And telling the court, “I didn’t know the law,” doesn’t work either. The principle is simple: ignorance of the law is not a defense. You don’t get to break an order or statute and avoid responsibility because you claim you didn’t know better.
Practical Advice if You Truly Don’t Understand
- Ask early. If an order or agreement confuses you, ask your lawyer right away — before deadlines pass.
- Don’t guess. Acting on a wrong assumption can be more expensive to fix than asking a “basic” question up front.
- Document clarity issues. If language really is unclear, keep records of when you asked for clarification. Courts are more sympathetic when you tried in good faith.
- Don’t wait until you’re in trouble. Hoping confusion will shield you from contempt or fees later is a losing bet.
Practical Advice if You’re Just Unhappy with the Ruling
If you’re not confused but simply unhappy with what the court decided, own that fact and respond productively. Complaining that you “didn’t understand” fools no one. It won’t undo the ruling and will only frustrate your lawyer and the judge.
Instead, ask your lawyer whether there’s any legitimate way to challenge or change the decision, such as filing a motion to modify, appealing, or negotiating with the other party. And be prepared for the possibility that the answer may be “you just have to comply.” Acceptance isn’t easy but pretending confusion benefits no one.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277