A fair and equitable divorce is the best that any decent person who goes through the divorce process can honestly hope for. If you know you that you will be dealing with (or are already dealing with) a spouse who has no regard for honesty and fair play and will do anything to gain the upper hand and win at all costs, you have a rough road ahead. No, really, you do. Accept it now, and you’ll be much better prepared mentally and emotionally for the battle ahead.
Defending yourself and ensuring an equitable outcome in your divorce from a scoundrel can spell disaster for an honest man or woman if he or she does not have his/her eyes wide open to the realities of divorce litigation. It’s not what you think. Your success in such a divorce case will often largely depend on the action you take early in the process, both before a divorce case is filed and in the initial phases of the case itself.
The evidence that favors and vindicates you. A spouse who lies and shades the truth will try to frame every fact (and fiction), conversation, and communication in a manner that makes him/her look good and you look bad. If there is no record of what happened, who can say what really did happen? Preserve records of all communications (oral and written) between you and your spouse. This means that the threatening text messages that were sent and then deleted from your spouse’s number aren’t lost. It means that the suspicious withdrawals from the joint account are documented.
Prepare yourself for false allegations (and lots of’em). These allegations can range anywhere from claiming that in fact you were lying about something all the way up to abuse of any variety (child, spousal, physical, emotional, sexual, financial, etc.). Perversely, your spouse may accuse you of the very wrongs he/she is perpetrating. Although it is not supposed to be “guilty until proven innocent,” when it comes to abuse allegations, “guilty until proven innocent” is very, very often the standard of proof to which the accused is held. Don’t count on the rules, the law, and the process to protect you. Protect yourself. Get so much evidence in your favor that your spouse’s lying and cheating can’t be the difference between winning and losing.
Temporary orders – a sword more than a shield? Utah has processes in the divorce litigation process that can be used to protect a litigant during a divorce. These protections could come in the form of temporary orders, temporary restraining orders, or even temporary protective orders. Unfortunately, courts often approach requests for such temporary orders with a “better safe than sorry” or “abundance of caution” attitude. And “temporary” orders are often anything but. A false allegation of abuse can haunt you until the ink dries on your divorce decree. If your spouse is trying to wage a war of financial attrition, this is one of the best ways to drag out the proceedings.
If your spouse cannot manipulate the court, the facts, or the narrative of your divorce, he or she may try to manipulate you. If your spouse can cause you to lose your composure, he or she can prove that you are just as bad as he or she is. Your spouse could claim, “I may not be perfect, but look what I have to deal with. How can you blame me for my reactions?” Keeping your cool, maintaining a business-like demeanor and attitude about your divorce and in your communications with your spouse is the best way to prevent and mitigate manipulation and misrepresentation. Staying cool, courteous, and reasonable preserves and protects your credibility. And your credibility is one of your best tools against an unscrupulous spouse.
Get competent help. Hiring a skilled divorce attorney whose values align with yours helps you keep your spouse and his or her attorney honest and accountable. Depending on the severity to which your spouse disregards truth and law, you may need more help than your attorney can offer. A forensic accountant, private investigator, and/or other expert witnesses (if you can afford them) can help expose your spouse’s machinations.
Getting an equitable outcome in a divorce–even when your spouse will try to manipulate, exploit, and cheat at every turn–is not merely possible; you deserve, and frankly you can’t afford, anything less.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277