This is an extremely good question because I am amazed (as a divorce and family lawyer who has been in practice for 28 years) how divorcing couples and parents communicate in a manner that is so self-destructive to their cases.
So many spouses are eager to find anything to demonize the other spouse. So, it is astounding how little self-awareness, self-discipline, and self-control so many people possess in this situation when they ought to be aware that their words and deeds will be under a microscope during the pendency of a divorce action.
It is staggering how often spouses and parents recklessly shoot off their mouths during this crucial time. Whether they are caught on an audio or video recording or in writing making offensive and disparaging comments and/or false accusations against their spouses, these kinds of people can be their own worst enemies.
Keep your communications with your spouse civil and businesslike. Even if your spouse excoriates you in oral or written communication directly between the two of you or posts insulting and offensive things about you online, that does not entitle you to respond in kind. Courts can be rather fickle. Even when you can prove that your spouse “started it,” you may be the one who is faulted and penalized for it.
Communicate no more and no less than is necessary. The more you say, the more that it “can and will be used against you.”
Choose your words carefully. Strive to ensure that your communications are not misconstrued or misinterpreted. “It is not enough to be so plain that you can be understood, you must speak so that you cannot be misunderstood.” (William Cobbett/Charles Haddon Spurgeon)
if you need a framework for your communications, the “BIFF” method invented by Bill Eddy is a good one. BIFF stands for:
Brief
Informative,
Friendly
Firm
A clear and concise article about how to implement the BIFF method can be found here:
BIFF: 4 Ways to Respond to Hostile Comments | Psychology Today
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