Why is divorce so often like a knife fight? Not a literal one, of course, but a figurative battle where the first move can have lasting—often devastating—consequences.
Have you ever seen a real knife fight? Not the choreographed scenes on TV and in movies, but the grainy footage from security cameras that lurk in the dark corners of the Internet? One good strike can severely diminish one’s capacity for effective self-defense—often permanently. The moment that first blow lands, your chances of winning or even surviving the fight are dramatically altered.
How does this relate to divorce? In many ways, the first move in a divorce can be fatal, or be impossible to recover from. A spouse might strike the first blow by filing a fraudulent request for a protective order, causing his/her spouse to be arrested on false claims of domestic violence, or manipulating his/her spouse into moving out of the house under false promises of “a temporary separation might help us work things out.” Once these moves are made, the damage is done, and it can be incredibly difficult, sometimes even impossible, to return to an equal playing field.
The Hard Road to Recovery
Can you recover from an initial suck-punch-like strike? Sometimes. But don’t kid yourself, it’s going to be an uphill battle at best. You’ll need to work tirelessly, spend substantial amounts of time, money, effort, and patience, and endure unfairly inflicted emotional and frustration pain just to get back on track. Even then, recovery isn’t guaranteed. Still, fighting the better battle is crucial.
The Higher Road
Your opponent isn’t fighting fair, but responding in kind usually only serves to weaken your position. Sinking to that level makes you just as guilty. It’s hard to take you seriously if you’re behaving as dishonestly as your malicious spouse.
It’s tempting to retaliate in kind when your spouse takes underhanded actions, but doing so almost always makes things worse—both for you and for your children. Maintaining your integrity, even when your spouse doesn’t do likewise, helps ensure you strengthen your case as best you can, and it preserves your dignity. A cheap shot first strike may not kill your case, but it should not be taken as an invitation to respond in kind.
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