There’s no sugarcoating it—infidelity, cheating in a marriage is devastating for most people. It rocks the foundation of everything you’ve built together. It’s the kind of betrayal that makes you question everything you thought you knew about your relationship–and even reality generally. Should you divorce your spouse because of his or her infidelity?
Reasonable minds can and do differ over this question. Some will advise, “Don’t throw away your marriage just because of a mistake. Work through it.” Others who will argue, “Once a cheater, always a cheater. It’s over.”
Some people can forgive their spouses. They may choose to work through the pain, rebuild the relationship, and move forward with a sense of hope for the future. For others, the very idea of staying married to someone who has broken their trust feels impossible.
Deciding whether to divorce your spouse over infidelity is deeply a personal and individual matter.
Divorce is hard even in the “best” of circumstances (such as a clear-cut ground for divorce such as infidelity), but sometimes, it’s the right decision. Divorce isn’t always a failure. Sometimes it’s an act of self-defense and self-preservation.
When that trust is violated in such a fundamental way, the damage isn’t just skin-deep. It runs deep. And for some people, the idea of ever trusting his or her spouse again is a bridge too far. Maybe you can’t see yourself ever feeling secure in your relationship again. Maybe every glance, every word, will be tainted with doubt. How can you build a future on a foundation that’s been shattered like that?
It’s also important to consider what led to the infidelity in the first place. Was it a one-time mistake, a moment of weakness? Or is it a symptom of deeper, more fundamental and irreparable defects in your spouse and/or the marriage itself? In some cases, people try to rationalize staying because they hope that by fixing the root cause, everything will go back to normal. Maybe, but the odds are against that.
If you feel that staying in the relationship means betraying your right to some minimum degree of happiness, peace of mind, and dignity then divorce may be necessary. It’s not about revenge or retribution.
Marriage is sacred (if spouses don’t treat it that way, their marriage starts and remains on shaky ground). Marriage should be treated as something bigger than yourself. Before ending a marriage, the least you can do for yourself and for your family is to search your soul. Reach out to your family and friends, your community, and those who have had to tread this path before you. Divorce is a lot harder on most people than they imagine.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
