During a divorce case, one parent or the other often claims that parental alienation or parental estrangement is occurring. Whether the claim is true does not stop these terms from being thrown around by the parents, their attorneys, and even by the court. But these terms are not synonyms.
Parental alienation is defined essentially as the conscious action of a parent (whether one or both) using passive aggressive behavior and covert manipulation to adversely affect the relationship that the child has with the other parent. An example of this would be, a parent discussing with his or her child the details of the divorce and then telling their child something like “If you don’t stay with me on a sole custody basis, I won’t get enough child support/ alimony, and I will have to live on the street.” Or “Don’t you have more fun here at Dad’s house? Wouldn’t you like to stay here more often?”. Or not telling the other parent about the child’s school play and then telling the child, “Gee, I guess Dad doesn’t care about you because he didn’t come see you in your play.” You get the idea.
Parental estrangement, on the other hand, is an active process where one parent rationalizes that his or her separation from the child or children or that the other parent’s separation from the child or children is in the best interest of their children. An example of this would be one parent claiming that “It would be better if my child(ren) never saw their father/mother again.” Or more subtly, “It would be better for the child(ren) if they only saw you/me on the weekends because they need to maintain their routines.”
There are also times in a divorce when the children learn about the circumstances and reasons why their parents are divorcing and witness the friction and tension and fighting. The children, if old enough, can and usually do form their own opinions about their parents’ and their actions and it would not be parental alienation or parental estrangement if and when the children decide that they don’t want to spend time with one parent or the other based upon that child’s own feelings and desires based upon that child’s own observations and experiences. One parent trying to brand a child’s own, honest perceptions and feelings “parental alienation” on the part of the other parent is inaccurate and dishonest.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277